Just six more days. Six more days on January 16, 4:17PM. It’ll be a year. It’ll be exactly a year.
 
I find it foolish that we only count that day, for I was yours the day before. But it doesn’t matter much. The night before, I fell in love with you. The day after, all I thought about was you. Then 4:17. I was downstairs making myself a meal. I looked down at the text, my heart skipped a beat, and I smiled.
 
Now I miss you and I have many tears to shed. I wish to be in your arms.
 
*This did not start on an index card like the other posts.

Today, I finally stopped trying to find a place I called home. No, it isn’t where I currently live. I have realised today, that home was with you. When I was in your arms, I’ve never felt so at home. I wish to be home right now. In fact, I always wish I was home. But home is so far beyond my reach. I’ve only been home for a day. I watched home walk away from me. I hope to see my home once again. I will see home once again.
 

—Home is where the heart is,

Pen name: L.

Winter break starts today. Originally, I was planning on seeing you with these two weeks. But as the days go by, that hope grows smaller and less likely to happen. I’m a failure. Not only do I disappoint others, but I disappoint myself. Hopefully I’ll get to see you around our anniversary.
 
Just last night, I was going over our old conversations that I had saved. I must have kept them for a reason. But as of now, that reason slips my mind.
 
Some of the things you said were extremely sweet. To this day, you still say those breathtaking combination of words. I remembered then why I fell in love with you; not that I forgot. Tomorrow I’m returning to the location where we had our first kiss. It’s going to hurt looking at that spot and see that it’s missing you. But I have to go. I want to capture these locations on photograph so I will always have something significant with me; something beside an easily manipulated memory. I miss you my love. I hate how I’m making everything harder. I wish I could talk to you more often.
 
As of now, I’m quite upset and have half a mind to just leave this world and never come back. But if there’s anything I know, it’s that I’m strong all the way through, not just on the surface.
 
I wouldn’t want to cause you anymore pain. You make everything worthwhile, and I know you care for me. I’m going to repay you for all that you’ve done for me.
 

— I need you more than you know,

Pen name: L.

So it’s our 11th month together today. he night before, I stayed awake until midnight, just to mark the 11th month (by myself since you fell asleep). I do this for most of our “monthaversaries.” Last night, or rather, morning, I woke up @ 4:17AM; after having a dream about you. More of a flashback really. I was almost in tears until I remembered that I coincidently woke up 12 hours before the original time that you asked me out: 4:17PM on January 16, 2009. I fell asleep again with a silly smile .
 
Today was laste start so I wasn’t planning on waking up until 8:30AM. Apparently, I woke up @ 7:42 AM because of your text that said “Happy 11 month.” I love waking up to your messages. I wish  you would call me in the morning just to say “good morning” and to wish me a good day. Anything as simple as that makes my day worthwhile. Darling, you are my sunshine.
 
Although it’s our 11th month mark today, I’d have to say I was quite disappointed. I wanted to talk to you today. I longed to tell you that I love you, with all of my heart’s content. Sometimes I wonder why you don’t reply to me, but I don’t ask because I fear of being an annoyance. Earlier today, I flipped a coin. Heads I break up with you, tails I don’t. No matter how many times I flipped that coin, majority won: Heads. But you know what? It’s not about what side the coin lants on that determines your decision. It’s the fact that when the coin’s in the air, you know exactly what side you want the coin to land on. I usually think that you’d be better off without me, but my own greed stops me from stripping myself of your existence. I love you too much to let you go. I wish you could see how great you really are. I told you this morning that you were the best boyfriend ever. You replied saying, “bull.” That hurt in a way. But I guess it’s not your fault that you don’t think of yourself as being great, or the best. You’re modest and I love that about you. I just hope that one day, when you’ve lsot all hope, all belief in yourself, when your world flips upside down and you feel as if all odds are against you, you’ll try to see yourself through my eyes. I hope you see the guy I’ve learned to love, flaws and all. I hope you see the guy that loved me when no one else would. I hope you see the guy that I fell ever so deeply in love with; because, that amazing guy I see, is you. You my love, are perfect.
 

—I’m still keeping my promises,

Pen name: L.

P.S. If I wrote more things describing how wonderful you are, I’d never finish.

So I’ve been talking to you once more. You go in trouble and got your phone taken away. We lost communication for a week; but that’s nothing compared to what could have happened. Today’s just one of those days where I want to talk to you, but I’m afraid of being an annoyance, of being unitentionally reject. So being silent is my only refuge. You told me that since I don’t talk much, you never knoew what I want. Well the way I see it is; what if I don’t know what I want? What if when I figure it out, something gets in my wa and I can’t get what I want?

“I’ll understand your selence, but sometimes, you’ll have to understand mine.”

 
You say you don’t know what I want, but you always give me what I want. You’re the sweetest person ever, but you never realise it.
 

—I’m “beautiful,”

Pen name: L.

It’s been almost a week without me telling you that I love you. How I went the first few years of my life without you, I don’t know. When I think of you, and when I try to remember what it’s like to be in your arms, in your presence, I grow weak and breathless. Funny thing is, with all the pain that this is giving me, I’m still falling for you; deeper and deeper in love with you.
 

—I miss your extremely cute smile,

Pen name: L.

I felt the need to keep the title. I am saying hello to the world with this site. Please have a look at the “About” page for a clearer understanding of the site. Thank you for your interest.

—I am forever in your debt,

Pen name: L.